Eyleen's mom has been here for almost two weeks and I'm glad she's here to help but I'm exhausted and just want to be alone with my partner without people being constantly around. I have never felt so emotionally drained in my life and I know it's not going to get any better any time soon. I don't know what happened last night but something has set me off and I feel like if I'm not careful I'll slip into this abyss of despair that I'm teetering on the edge of. The doctor gave me antianxiety pills but they take weeks to kick in.
We're supposed to find out the results from her PET on Jan. 7 and I just hate that we have to wait so long. I mean I'd like to think if something was wrong they'd call us early and Eyleen said no news is good news, but I'm a constant worrier and if I don't know what's going on I always expect the worst.
I went to pay my loan bill with my school and I haven't been in a month so when the registrar asked how Eyleen was I lost it and haven't quite gotten myself back in control. I'm such a mess and I don't know what to do to stop.

The future you see is the future you get.

I'm Stiney, 30 year old graphic designer and partner to a 36 year old who was just diagnosed with Breast cancer.
She has her blog Keeping Ya Abreast and I thought I needed to make my own to be able to weep when I'm not feeling strong and not interfere with her treatment. She's so much stronger than I am but I found the quote above today and it set me straight and gave me the strength to help her do what she's got to do and know that we'll come out maybe not unscathed on the other side but we WILL come out on the other side of this together.